kids say the darndest things

Jackson has a daily behavior card monitoring system in kindergarten.

Green card = good job.
Yellow card = oops, you messed up.
Red card = you're in big trouble.

It is not uncommon for Jackson to pull a card. Every day his goal is to "stay on green card all day". Some days he meets his goal. Some days he does not. As far as we know, Jackson has never made it all the way to red card.

Yesterday, towards the start of the day, Jackson was talking too much and pulled his yellow card. (Oops, he messed up.) He happily went along with his day trying hard to be better, pay attention, follow directions, and not talk too much.

At recess Jackson so kindly shared a cookie from his snack with his teacher. She graciously ate the entire cookie! After she had eaten the cookie Jackson says, "Mrs. Nelson? I can go on green card now?"

Mrs. Nelson paused and thought about his best efforts to be good and said, "Yes, Jackson. You've earned your green card back. You can turn your card back to green."

Jackson walks into class and announces to the entire room, "EVERYONE, IF YOU WANT YOUR GREEN CARD BACK YOU JUST GIVE MRS. NELSON A COOKIE!"

Of course she heard his little announcement and she quickly tried to explain to Jackson and the entire class that this is not the proper way to earn back your green card. Poor Mrs. Nelson!

kids say the darndest things

We're having dinner as a family. Jackson's cup is empty and he is thirsty. He thrusts his empty cup towards Jeremy and says, "Daddy. More juice!"

Jeremy says, "Excuse me? Jackson, you are supposed to say, 'more juice, please'."

Jackson responds, "No daddy, YOU say, 'coming right up'!"

* . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . * . *

Here's another deep conversation between Lizzie and Mommy...

Lizzie: Mommy, are there any old movies I haven't seen?

Mommy: Yes, there are lots of old movies you haven't seen.

Lizzie: Like what?

Mommy: Well... let's see... have you seen Meet me in St. Louis?

Lizzie: No

Mommy: Have you seen The Wizard of Oz? That's one of my favorite old movies.

Lizzie: You're just like Oprah!

Mommy: What?!

Lizzie: You love The Wizard of Oz just like Oprah, but I hate that movie!

Mommy: Well then, it sounds like you need to watch it again because it's the best.

[How does this girl know that Oprah likes that movie? We've watched Oprah ONCE in the last 5 years!]

kids say the darndest things

While driving in the car yesterday we were having a family conversation that went a little something like this...

Jackson: All the girls nike me.

Daddy: Why do all the girls like you, Jackson?

Jackson: Dey say I so cute.

kids say the darndest things

We had just hopped in the car to run a few errands. We're almost to our destination when Jackson looks up from the iPod and realizes...

Jackson: Aw, dane-it! I got for my shoes!

Mom: You what?

Jackson: I got for my shoes!

Mom: You got for your shoes?

Jackson: See, I got for my shoes. Dey are at home.

Mom: Oooohhh. You mean you FOR-GOT your shoes.

* * * * * * * *

Jackson is helping me load the groceries from the conveyor belt and into the car. He spies a treat he likes and says, "I nike those rocket chips!"

Mom: You like rocket ships?

Jackson: No, I say rocket CHIPS.

Mom: Rocket chips?

Jackson: See, dose rocket chips. [Pointing to the flamin' hot cheetos] Dey so spicy.

kids say the darndest things

Let me set the scene....

It's 6:30AM on a school day. The morning sunlight is just starting to come through the blinds. The house is quiet with the sound of sleeping children that went to bed too late last night. Jeremy is the only one up and out the door already.

Without warning, at the top of his 9 year old lungs, Logan begins to belt out the chorus:

"one, 21 guns!
lay down your arms!
give up the fight!"

Repeated over and over and over... until we are all wide awake, bleary eyed from our startling wake up call, and pleading for him to stop (or at least choose a new song!).

Let's just say that Logan is a morning person. He wakes up at zero and within seconds is running at 100 miles an hour. He LOVES to be awake in the morning. He also LOVES to tease and pester wherever he can. And he knows how to get us all going in the morning.

All I can do is plug my ears, pull the blankets and pillows over my head, and wish that someday he'll get to experience a child just like himself when he's a father.

GOOD MORNING to you too Logan!

kids say the darndest things

The scene: we are doing Lizzie's hair in my bathroom, as we do every morning.

Lizzie: Mom, I want to be one of those girls on that show.

Me: What show?

Lizzie: You know, the one where they sew the dresses...

Me: Oh, you mean Project Runway?

Lizzie: Yeah, Project Runway.

Me: You want to be one of the people that sew the clothes? or one of the girls that wears the clothes?

Lizzie: One of the girls that wears the clothes.

Me: Ok, but you're not old enough yet. You have to be a lot older to be a model. AND it's in New York; that's really far away! You can't move away from me yet! You have to stay here and be my Lizzie girl.

Lizzie: That's ok. I'll just wait until I'm married and then I'll go.

Mom: Sounds like a good plan to me.

kids say the darndest things (grandma too!)

We were watching Lizzie's soccer game. The opposing team had a player that looked like she was 2 years older than the rest of the girls on the field. She kept bowling the girls over without intent the entire game - she just couldn't help it!

Trevor leans over to me and says, "Wow, that girl must eat her green beans."

And my reply? "Yep, Trevor. You're right. I bet she eats all her green beans!"

HA HA HA!! Jeremy and I were rolling!!

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Mom (Grandma Elizabeth) was telling us about something she'd found online. She is quite the tech savvy gal. She says, "I'll send you a link on Spacebook."

We all look at each other and crack up because she actually meant to say Facebook.

Mom corrected herself and said, "No, I mean, MyFace."

BAH ha HA ha ha! She wasn't even trying to be funny! It was a great moment. Thanks for the laugh mama. :)

Does that not sound like the punchline to a joke?
What do you get when you cross Facebook and MySpace?
SpaceBook and MyFace!

kids say the darndest things

Jackson "bought" a new battleship toy from the Dollar Store. Shockingly, this new boat was broken less than 24 hours later. Mommy suggested we try to fix Jackson's Dollar Store battleship toy rather than go buy a new one. Jackson agreed and leaned in intently watching the repair process. Halfway through he says, "Mommy, you awesome."

It's those moments that parents live for! Finally, appreciation for my parenting awesomeness!

* * * * * * * *

Jackson is in the dentist chair. He is tuned out to the world as he watches the TV mounted on the wall in front of him. Dentist comes in for the cleaning and to read Jackson's x-rays.

Dentist: Jackson, do you brush your teeth every day?

Jackson: nods yes

Dentist: Jackson, do you floss your teeth every day?

Jackson: nods yes

Dentist: Jackson, are you telling me lies?

Jackson: nods yes

Dentist: Bah ha ha ha!

* * * * * * * *

Daddy was reading a bedtime story to Lizzie and Jackson. While reading from the Fancy Nancy books he finished with the line: "... se magnifique!"

Jackson, half listening, thought he was being insulted by this big word from the book so he replies: "No YOU stink! You stink like bootie!"

kids say the darndest things

Jackson: Mom, where's my dollar? [actually, he says, "donner" because he still can't say his L's]

Mom: You have to do a job first and then you can have a dollar.

Jackson: No, I don't do job.

Mom: Well then, you can't have a dollar.

Jackson: Ok, I just watch TV. Then I done. And I get donner.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

We're eating lunch in a small San Diego park. Jackson starts chasing the birds and yelling at them to get out of his way and making quite a ruckus.

Trevor: Mom, Jackson is going to wake up all the people from their naps.

Oh, my sweet innocent child! There were about 7 homeless people snoozing on the park benches - he was so concerned that they wouldn't get enough sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jackson: Where's Deigo?

Mom: What?

Jackson: Where's Deigo?

Mom: You mean San Deigo?

Jackson: No. Go Deigo Go!

Mom: Jackson, we will not see Diego in San Deigo. Deigo is on TV. San Diego is here!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jackson: First we go Sandy. Then we go Eggo.

Mom: What?

Jackson: Sandy Eggo.

Mom: Oh. I see. San Deigo is Sandy Eggo.

kids say the darndest things

Mommy: Jackson, I love you. You my boy.

Jackson: Yes. And Daddy. Daddy's my frien.

Mommy: Yes, Daddy's your friend.

Jackson: And mommy's my man.

Mommy: I'm your man?

Jackson: Yes, you my man.

kids (and daddy) say the darndest things

Logan: Daddy and me had a talk today.

Mom: What about?

Logan Why girls talk so much.

Mom: Some girls do talk an awful lot.

Daddy: (in his best “all knowing” voice) Yeah, no man has ever been able to know what’s goin’ on inside a woman’s head. (he says with a mischievous grin)

Mom: Well, that’s the truth!

kids say the darndest things

Jackson: Mommy, I say shut up.

Me: No, Jackson. We don't say that word. It's not nice.

Jackson: The TV says I say shut up.

Me: Jackson, that's not a nice word. You don't say that!

Jackson: Doctor says I say shut up.

Me: WHAT?!

Jackson: Thomas the Train say shut up.

Me: Jackson, nice boys don't say that. You need to be nice to your friends. Are you nice boy? Or mean boy?

Jackson: I nice boy, mommy. I no say shut up.

kids say the darndest things

Mom: Jackson, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday? White cake? Yellow cake? Chocolate cake? Sprinkles cake?
Jackson: NO cake. Jus brownies.


Mom: Jackson, do you want chocolate milk or hot chocolate?
Jackson: Um, jus nice n warm chocolate.


Sis. Berrett: Jackson, who was your favorite character you saw at Disneyland?
Jackson: Uh... Jackson Jeremy Ward.

kids say the darndest things

Jackson: C'mere mommy. I give you big kiss. I hold your head.
He pulls me in close (by my head) and plants a good one right on my lips and doesn't let go for a solid 5 seconds. That's a long time to lock lips with a 3 year old!

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Me: Jackson, is mommy a girl?
Jackson: No, you no grill. You, jus mommy, mommy.

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Jackson comes in the house and pulls off his shoes he's been wearing ALL DAY LONG with NO SOCKS. The smell that wafted through the room was sickening.
Daddy: Jackson you have STINKY feet!
Jackson: (pulls his foot up to his nose, takes a big whiff and says...) No stink, daddy. They smell good!

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Mommy: (while carrying Jackson to bed)Whew, Jackson. You are heavy!
Jackson: No mommy, you have big muscles!

kids say the darndest things

We are all chewing bubble gum, having a bubble blowing contest. I blow a big one and Trevor leans over and pops it!
Mom: Trevor! You burst my bubble!
Trevor: pauses for 2 seconds and says, Hey! That's an idiom!
(FYI: An idiom is a phrase that doesn't actually mean what it says. ex: "kick the bucket". Can you guess what Trevor's been learning about in school?)

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Each morning Jackson gets himself dressed for the day. He pops out of his room and says, "I get my dress on!" Daddy loves it when he says that.

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We're driving back from the pet store with a bag full of feeder fish. Jackson got to hold the bag in the car as a reward for "being a good boy in the store". All of a sudden there is a spraying sound. I whip around and see a huge stream of water flowing from the bag onto the seat! AH! He'd poked a hole in the bag!
Mom: JACKSON!
Jackson: Dats an axdent, mom. A axdent.
Yeah, right. He'd tried in several places to poke a hole into the bag with his finger and finally succeeded. An "axdent"? I don't think so.

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Mom: Jackson, you're going to get at time out if you spit in mommy's face again.
Jackson: No, YOU get time out!

kids say the darndest things

We're driving in the car...

Lizzie: Mommy, are we late?

Me: Yes Lizzie, we're already 4 minutes late.

Lizzie: Wow. And you're not even yelling. That is SO awesome!

* * * * *

We're watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (original animated version) the other night and it gets to this part in the story...

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. "Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

Lizzie turns to Jeremy and says in her most meekest serious voice, "Daddy, all I want for Christmas is my family."

What a sweet moment it was - she got it. She really really got it! Who needs all that "stuff" on Christmas morning anyway? All we really need is our family!

kids say the darndest things

Jackson's word of the week: soakin'

*All quotes have been spoken by Jackson himself, just this week.*

Jackson walks out into the rain: "Jackson's soakin' wet!"

Jackson gets in the tub: "It's soakin' cold!"

Jackson gets in the tub: "It's soakin' hot!"

Time to get dressed: "I need soakin' chonis!" (Chonis = underwear)

Watching the cars go by: "Woah! That one car soakin' fast!"

About to take the first bite of a slice of pizza: "That soakin' hot!"


Mom: Jackson, time to put your bike away.
Jackson: Bike's soakin' heavy!

kids say the darndest things

We're driving in the car and pass by a house that has some lion statues out front dressed up with army hats and yellow ribbons. I tell the kids that they are dressed to celebrate Veteran's Day.

Kids: What is Veteran's Day?

Me: It's a day to remember people that serve our country - like people in the army. Like Grandpa Burton - he was in the army.

Benny: Oh yeah! Like my Grandpa Birdie. He was in the Old Navy!

Me: The Old Navy?

Benny: Yes, the Old Navy.

kids say the darndest things

This morning Jackson comes running in the back door and yells , "Mommy, I want to get my dress on!"
(Translation: He wants to get dressed.)

We're walking through Lowes and Jackson spots the toilet display. He promptly walks over and says, "Daddy, i go pee on dat" and starts to drop his shorts.

We were getting ready to go out and pick grapes and Lizzie kept saying, "I want to go to the graveyard too!"
(just in case you didn't get it - graveyard = vineyard)

kids say the darndest things

We're driving in the car - just picked up Lizzie from a playdate and this was her random conversation starter:

Lizzie: Mommy, when I have babies, if it's a boy his name will be Cody. But, if it's a girl, her name will be Lily.

Oh, Melt my heart! She's excited to be a mommy!